Sister

I absolutely adore my sister. Unfortunately she currently lives in Texas, and I only get to see her once a year (perhaps 2 or if I am lucky 3 days). She has lived there for what feels like an eternity and in actuality is about 3.5 years. She came out for what she fondly calls the "Northeast Tour". She flew into Jersey to spend a few days with friends, went into NYC for a bit, came to see us for a day in RhodeIsland, went to Mass to be with the rents and to see her 'old friends' and then came back to me for a day and a half. Insane itinerary but truly cramming in as much 'good stuff' as she can into the time she has. :)

This year I wasn't at my best, which completely sucks. I had been looking forward to this visit for so long and wanted to do all sorts of things with her. Instead it was a low key time and I needed to be grateful that I had the time I did with her, not resentful for the time I didn't get to have. Sounds like such an easy concept and there are times when it is so clear. I look in the direction of what I had planned and what really happened is different, but that is okay. This wasn't one of those times, perhaps because I (like her) wanted to cram as much into our short time together as possible. Perhaps because I can be a complete control freak. The good thing is that I was able to just sit and let things go as they were meant to be. I was given the gift of her company and THAT is what I really wanted. The 'doing' that I had wanted can be done another time, and if it isnt then thats okay too.

Ang is a great person, very spirited and much less reserved than I am. (some of you may be chuckling at that ) I value her perspectives and her inquizative nature.... I love that we are both 'seekers', both people who want to really know who a person is. What a persons dreams are and what makes them who they are. We both believe in the good of people, and that good people can do bad things, that it is all part of being human. Growing up I both resented her and felt responsible for her. Angie is 6.5 years younger than I am. I had that long to live my life as a single child, then she came along. I felt that I was always asked to watch her, that I was the one doing the chores while she played with her friends (luckily I think she kind of remembers it that way too). We joke that we were raised by two different sets of parents, mine were completely overbearing and overthe top and hers let her get away with too much. By the time she graduated high school I was already married, we didnt have a lot in common. As she struggled with college (and left) and the life changes which she experienced in the few years after, I became concerned that she was going to have a sad and empy life. She struggled a lot in those years and it was painful to watch (I can't imagine what it was like to go through it). I asked her to move away from our homestate and come to live with me. I told her that there were many more opportunities where I was and that by staying with us she could get her feet on the ground. Gratefully she did. She stayed here for about two years. There were trying times, but she was getting stronger and more sure of herself, it was great to see. Time went on and she moved out, but lived locally for a while. Then she transferred and moved to New Jersey (not knowing a soul), from there onto Texas. She has gotten her associates degree and has continued her education in other fields. Cant say enough about how much I respect her, how proud I am of her, how much I appreciate that I can talk to her about something and I dont have to give her the 'back story' (because she knows where I come from), love her unstoppable nature and her heart. It was a blessing to see her, I miss her terribly and will save my pennies until I can go out to Texas and spend some time in her 'neck of the woods'.

This is a big ramble and I am not even sure it makes any sense, but I am too tired to reread it and edit.

Blessings to all of you, take care and enjoy the moments you have.... dont look at them through the foggy lens of what you wanted them to be.



Ren