Gratitude is easy when things are right conversely it is easy to have gratitude when you think you are at the end of your days. Its the drudgery that covers life with a film of grime in a way that we can lose track of what we have.
Ive been trying (ohhh there is a whole nother topic "trying") to meditate more. I always feel centered when i do and that helps with the day in day out stress management. I realize that my gratitude tends to center on people... having people in my life... on their health and on my own. Ive somehow lost track of the gratitude for being alive and gifted the experience of life. It isnt always pretty and it definitely isnt as neat as Id like but life is like an exquisite dessert... it takes a lot of work but if you take a moment to really pay attention the joys of eating it up are well worth any of the effort.
My wishes for you today are to eat up... welcome each decadent mouthful like its your first and last. Really pay attention to the gifts you have, its too easy to get sidetracked in the nonsense which doesnt really matter...

*Rising*

trying to feel my feelings and find my way,
searching for my truth to release me from these shoes of clay.
Changing like the seasons,
never the same each day.
Wont you help me to find my way???

Looking to release me from these shoes of clay.
Falling like a Phoenix; alight on my way.
Falling like a Phoenix; bursting into flames.


Rising from the ashes to learn to love again.

Rising from the ashes to learn to live again....

Rising fromt he ashes to learn to laugh again....

things I like.... (or love)

Things I like:

Saw something like this on a friends page and I love lists so I thought I would start one. I will continue til I bore of it and then come back to it and add as I feel moved to do so.

I like/love the moorning sun. The way that the world isnt fully awake yet and I can soak up its energy in the quiet and still of the day.

I love the smell of citrus fruits and ginger. (love to eat them too and often make grapefruit orange lime ginger juice for brekky)

I love small things, it is the small gestures in life that feed me. Large overtures are less important to me as they are more commonly noticed. I am the type of girl who is more touched by a daisy picked from the side of the road than a bouquet purchased at the store.

I love words. Communication is key with me and if you cant express how you feel what you want wish for desire crave then I dont understand you and likely you wont understand me.

I love kissing my kids again after they have fallen asleep. Sneaking into their rooms and pressing my lips to their sleep warmed heads. Feeling their deep rhythmic breathing and knowing that they are safe and content.

I love holding a baby. I wasnt really present when I had my kids. I was wrapped up in doing and very present to how much of an inconveneince having a baby (or two) can be on getting anything accomplished. Those moments cant be brought back and now when given the opportunity I adore just holding a babe. Soaking up their warmth, the baby smell and the glory of such a precious little life.

I love the stripes on the lawn after it is freshly cut.

I love having my closet organized. :P

I love love love thunderstorms. The lightening flashing and the chest rattling rumbles of the thunder... *sigh* adore it.

I love the first sip of a cold beer on a very hot day (someone else can have the rest as I dotn really like beer :P ).

I love the rain... the cleansing power of it, the wetness in the air (even if you are inside), the sound the feel....

I love walking in the rain. I am not the type to park as close as possible and run like hell through the parking lot if it starts to rain. I park normally and walk normally.... lift my face to the heavens and let it rain on me.

I love to try new things. Doesnt matter what it is (within reason). I like experiences and things that are different from what I know already. Without trying something new I am choosing the same old same old...

I love quotes. In my bedroom I painted the two closet doors with chalkboard paint (this room used to be my art studio). On the doors I have quotes written out. I love them and find such wisdon in so few words. Love them!

I love to read (although I havent been reading too much lately). I like getting lost in a book, feeling I know the characters.

Music. I am not musicly inclined. Cant carry a tune to save my life, but I love music. Love lyrics (of course! they are words. lol)

Books. Aside from the stories I like books, their bindings, the weight of the paper used for the pages, the smell of them...

being at a lake or pond. I like the ocean, and spend a good deal of time there, but the ocean doesnt have the serenity of a pond or lake.

I love how there is a fog on the water of a lake/pond int he early morning.

I love showering at night and slipping into a freshly made bed... feeling the sheets on clean skin.

I LOVE (big love) high thread count sheets. They feel like silk against my skin and are soo cool to start, then melt into my own body temperature. Love that... mmm

skinnydipping. mmm

Vanilla ice cream (yeah I know a vegan isnt supposed to eat ice cream :P)

the excite ment of Christmas through my kids eyes...

Opening Christmas stockings... best part for me. :) I like it better than the 'big gifts'.

Christmas tree lights. I admit Im a bit of a junky for them. I sed to set up a tree in my bedroom (perhaps I will again this year). I love to shut off the lights int he room and let the twinkling soothe me. As a child I used to lay with my head under the tree and look up into it.... did I mention I love Christmas tree lights?? ;)

I love to leave notes. I am sure there are some who think this is weird but it pleases me no end. I put notes in my kids bags or lunches, never ask them if they get them. If they are scheduled for a test I sometimes send a you can do it note... usually its just a note letting them know how much they mean to me and that I love them. When I was in love with my ex and I would leave to go back home I would write a note and slip it inside his pillowcase. :P So when he would lay his head sown he would hear the paper and get my message. I have slipped them into wallets, left them in cars... mailed them to work and even taped them to the cold cuts in the drawer. Yes, I know... nutball :)

I love living life and believe it to be the most beautiful thing... to soak in every moment I can... for they all pass to quickly.

I love follow through. If you tell me you are goign to do something, do it! If you dont, acknowledge it. Its all I ask... because we both know you didnt do it and I shouldnt need to call you on your shit. :P

I love the way the sun filters in through the leaves ont he trees. I chose the colour of my library based on that light... and in the spring that room is awash of brilliant green.... so shiny and warm. I adore it in there. Sitting with my knees tucked up under me and a light throw on my lap... reading in the soft warmth od fresh sunlight. *sigh*

I love sex. Not just because it feels good (which it of course does). But also for the connection of it. I enjoy the fire, the passion the intensity and I adore illiciting response and reaction (the more automatic the better).

I love fresh snowfall. Especially late at night. I like to clear my driveway when everyone else is sleeping and it feels like I am alone in this beautiful place... stars twinkling and the muffled crunching of the snow.

I love my friends, I am a good friend in some regard and a bad one in others. Im as loyal as they come and I listen without offering to fix or comment, I see them for who they are and I love them all to bits. But I never call... I dont return calls... Im not good that way. So their persistance with me is greatly and deeply appreciated.

I love the sense of peace some people have when they are facign the end of their days. I know it seems like a crazy thing to write but Ive volunteered in hospice for a long while and some people have a true peace which envelops them and they enjoy sharing it. :)

I love when someone else makes me a sandwich or salad. :P These two things always taste better when I dotn make them LOL

I love when Ive had a stressful day and someone takes time to jsut sit and be with me.

I love listening to people and learning them. Want to know what makes them tick and I adore the parts that make the whole.

I like acknowledging people. To see them in a way that they know they have been seen for real. Not their shell or what they show the world but for the vulnerable bits and the strengths... see them for who they ARE.

Sunflowers.... :)

stationary, I adore paper. Writing paper, cards, drawing paper, watercolour paper... mmmm paper :)

Pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg warm spices and smells.

The memory of waking up on Thanksgiving morning to the smell of the turkey already cooking.

Thanksgiving day. It is the best. So full of life and gratitude, love and family (and football! :) ) Not about gifts and keeping up with the jones' and superficial nonsense.

The sound of the leaves turning over before a storm rolls in... love to watch it too :)

Rainy Day Perspective

It is a rainy day here today. At the risk of repeating myself, it's a beautiful day. I love the rain (thunder and lightening storms too). Perhaps it is because I got a full nights sleep last night or perhaps it's simply because I choose to look at life through eyes which are happy, but the day is marvelous; absolutely amazing. To look out the window, which I am sitting in front of, someone else may see a dreary grey sort ot day. I am seeing the squirrels running about, the birds flapping their lil wings in the puddles and feeling the wonderful moisture which only a rainstorm can bring. Rain has the ability to wash away the debris that was left behind ,either by play/work/ or life, and I choose to look at those days as a fresh start. So for me the rain is a welcome visitor... one which I won't waste my time wishing would leave, but will embrace and enjoy while it's here.

As a side note (boy, I am introspective today), I was talking with a friend over the last few days and heard them make comment (a few times) that they won this or that and that they were very good at such and such. The competitive spirit in me wants to challenge this; wants to prove my excellence and importance, but instead I sat and let them speak. What has come from these conversations though is that I can see the changes I have made within myself over the years. Namely, change from an overly aggressive, completly goal orriented person, who would win at all costs into someone who can put in an effort and still walk away with nothing. I sometimes fear that my shift has gone too far in the other direction, but that could just be my ego wanting to be seen and heard. I have softened my views of myself and others, I am human and by definition I am flawed. I am good at some things, but not the best, I am terrible at others and that doesnt make me any less "me"...any less good. I would rather see myself as this complex arrangement of good and bad, of talents and faults than to make myself a flat cut-out, a fake representation of perfection. I suck at many things, my mind isn't nearly as strong as it once was, my body is definitly showing signs of aging, but with all of these changes comes a strength. I like to think of it like a young tree in the middle of a hurricane.... the trees who are seemingly strong and rigid are the ones which will be destroyed by the ravages of the wind the ones who are flexible and can move are the ones which survive. So for today I will try and stay flexible and forgiving in my perspectives... both of myself and of others.

My wish for you is for you to also stay felxible... try to be gentle with yourself and not look too criticly upon your thoughts, words and deeds.... take stock of yourself and embrace your weaknesses as much as your strengths....

I wish you a gloriously wonderful RAINY day!

Renee'

The Invitation

This piece of writing I have had for a number of years. The first time I read it i was stopped in my tracks... it speaks to who we are as people. Looking for the authentic and genuine, asking what is truly important to you and how far you are willing to go to get to it.... When I feel I am fighting a losing battle I reread it and refresh the words in my soul.

I hope that you enjoy it as well. :)










The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer


It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.





Nameste