"Work"

I am just getting in from my first shift at work today. There are many days in which I work in the morning, have a nice break and go back in the evening. This isn't an ideal schedule but is understandable considering that my clients need to work at their jobs to pay me (thank goodness! ). So, as is typical for me I go to the gym between time, or run errands or visit with some friends.... it's a tough life I know! This may need to change in the near future but for now I am savoring the flexibility of my practice. I have been very fortunate, in my line of work.

· First because I am still physically able to work (and at what is considered a full time schedule in the filed (about 16 hours )).

· Second is that I am still able to do the type of work which I love... I love, love, love deep tissue work... I have taken more CEU classes than I could possibly remember but the work that I do most is deep tissue (the hardest on the practitioners body but generally the modality which facilitates the most results).

· Third is that I have never advertised... in the ten years which I have done this work (eight being on my own) plus the two for training before that I have never dropped my cards anywhere, never made a flyer, never ran an advertisement. This is especially beneficial because I am more likely to keep a client than the average practice (due to the fact that they are coming to me solely on the recommendation of an already existing client), and I am much less likely to attract freaks to my office. (THANK GOD FOR THAT!!!!)

· Fourth, my practice has grown, slowly, but when you see that massage is now offered everywhere form hair salons to doctors offices that doesn't bother me.

I do have some frustrations though (who doesn't) and they are mostly peoples perception of the work and the practitioners that are out there. I recently interviewed a newly graduated therapist (who couldn't tell me where her gastrocs were (oh brother!!!)) and her license number was in the 19,000 range... mine is just under 5,000... I mention this because there are now, sooo many places where you can go to school to become certified. This bothers me... they are churning out 'therapists' in 7 months... these licensed practitioners have no idea of what they are working on or the damage that they could do by not having all that information. I have been teaching at the school I went to for some time and I have noticed a marked decline in the quality of the students... I am expected to be easier on them and not to expect them to know as much material... so needless to say I have some evaluating to do... I don't think that I can continue working there; lieing and falsely representing my own standards or that of the field.

I'm not sure why I am going on about this or how this topic even came to me but this is my treatment room.... the bars on the ceiling are for my hands when I am doing ashiatsu oriental bar therapy (AOBT~ www.deepfeet.com). This modality is done with the practitioners feet. It is the best massage I have ever received (and I'm picky) and one of the only two types of work I am willing to pay for (the other being Thai). So if you are in need of some work... ashiatsu is the way to go.

Best wishes!

Ren

My Very Own Critic

Once again... and email from a friend (yes, a real friend not a cyber one ) is prompting part of my blog. She sent a lil story along w/ a pic of us together. We were acting like fools (what a shock!) at a restaurant in Orlando. Along with the pic she had some questions... like when u look at me what do u see? how do u feel etc? then after I replied she asked the same questions but looking at myself in the pic. I find it amazing how, even though, I've done a lot of work on accepting who I am I can be so critical of myself. After I sent that email back to her she sent back a response of what she sees when she looks at me in the pic. It was a great excercise.... if you have someone who you can be completely honest with I suggest you do it (this could pertain much more to the females out there than the males... I dunno). So in this pic. this is what I see... lol.

•... I see the red dot at the end of my nose. LMAO! This is a funny thing that I was born with... it is just a lil red dot... smack in the middle of my face... centered on the end of my nose. too funny... it's like someone took a marker and marked me. I have had a friends lil boy say to me "you have a boo boo?" and I didn't know what he was talking about.... she said "you habe a pimple on the end of your nose." LOL nope... it's my mark. So anyway its noticable to me... doesn't bother me (unless someone thinks I have a blemish there) so I guess I'll keep it.
•The other things aren't as telling or personal as that... I hate my trapezious muscles (I know goofy...but I do) they are huge from swimming competitively for so many years....
•my whiter than white skin which shows every mark and flaw as if it were light in neon...
•and the new changes around my eyes.... over all I'm good... nothing that bothers me too much (with this part anyway). Everything and everyone is a work in progress I know this and accept that. I am actually more comfortable now, in this skin, than I have ever been before... so please dont feel that u need to shore me up... I'm not looking for anything like that I simply wanted to talk about this email and some of my irks about my physical appearance. I also know that if you stare too long ( and analize too much you could think a sunset is flawed (which they most definitely are not).
BE WELL! BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELVES, and as always HUGS from Ren!

Be the Change

Over the years I have been frustrated by many things (who hasn't). Not the least of which is the amount of sadness and suffering that I see people living with. I see people chosing to live their lives miserably, wallowing in what they think is a bad day, week, year or life. I thank God that I am not someone who looks at things through the eyes of right and wrong. I am much more likely to look at instances as experiences and what can I learn from this than was it wrong or bad. I've learned that the more narrow you make your definition of right and wrong the more narrow your existance will be. The less you judge yourself and others the more full and open you will live. Although I say this I also know that there are a lot of bad things that happen in peoples lives which they have no control over. That is fine... I really think we have control over so few things anyway... it's all an illusion- aside from your perception and how u go on from an event. I have designed my life to be able to help others where I can....I try and volunteer periodicly at a local convelescent home and also do a lot of work with a nonprofit that works w families and children. Sunday I was in charge of a fundraiser. I had to negotiate out the contract with the convention center... plan the menu, do the publicity, get speakers to come to the event, and everything else including but not limited to nametags,guestlists etc. It was a lot of work but turned out to be a lovely event. I needed to thank my committees and introduce the speakers and was as nervous as hell. There were only 150 people there so it wasn't too big of a group but since we were set up with the podium at the end of a long room I felt like I was being watched very closely (ick). The good news is I didn't pass out and didn't say anything too outrageous... it all turned out beautifully and was a good primer for my big event in March (850 people there- ugh). So anyway.... I think my intention was to say that if you see something in this life that you wish were differnet do what u can to change it. It only takes a few kind words to make someones day... you may be the only smile they see that week... do something good and give of yourself. (getting down off my soapbox now)

Have a great day and be good to each other! :D

Renny

Gaussian Blur

This is yet another random observation which I have collected about myself, one which I have been able to embrace and appreciate....

Being the person that I am I am always thinking... I love to experience life and all it has to offer, but there is a part of me always analyzing... looking for the details of the moment. I used to feel this put me apart from others as they never remembered the details of the day or moment (as I did). I have since realized that for me it is a strong desire to imprint each moment into my life... to not let a minute go by which isnt remembered. This is especially true when it comes to my interactions with others... I'm not satisfied to simply and mindlessly move through these interaction as if they mean nothing, l am looking for a visual (typically) to archive and store for easy access and refrence. Perhaps this is why I paint, perhaps its why I notice the details of texture and depth of tone when I look out my window now, Im' not sure. I can say that this need to remember used to bother me, there was part of me that felt that because I was always looking to experience and remember and notice it meant that my time was short and I felt I needed to gather all I could while I was here. As I have aged and mellowed I see that that is no longer a fear for me... I'm not ready to go... I have a lot of work left to do on myself, but it has freed me to be able to embrace this trait of myself with out the fear of what it may or may not mean. I will continue to burn the minutes of my life into my existance and will not let the allure of a gaussian blur wipe the details from my days.... My life was meant to be lived and I am not one to be satisfied by merely existing.

I'll continue through my days and night thankful for them and knowing that although each moment passes into the next I will have a piece of it with me always...

Take care.. know you are thought of and be 'good'.

Hugs,

Renny

Flowers are red

Even as a young girl I loved music. I remember when I was about 10 years old crying when I heard on the radio that Harry Chapin had died in an automobile crash (I cried for Elvis too... I am really a sap ). The years passed as time does but I never forgot Harry or his music. One of my first jobs was at a CD and video rental store (what teenager wouldnt love that???). I purchased Harry Chapins Gold Metal Collection with my first paycheck, and havent regretted it since. One song, which had me transfixed immediately was Flowers Are Red. I found it fascinating that he could so eloquently write about how we stifle the creativity and real personality of our children (he wrote about it from an education perspective, but it is done just as much in the home). I was quite indignant about it then... now I see that even without trying you box your children in to roles... roles in the family, roles in their education, etc. I hope that I can keep this song and Harrys words in my heart as I raise my kids... I want them to be happy, good people above all else.

Below is a link to Youtube and a video which has this song as the music. The pic slideshow is of various works from MOMA (the Museum of Moderne Arte in NYC. Great place if you are ever in the area). I would have put the clip in if Yahoo wasnt punishing me... but it seems I have pissed the Gods off again and cannot seem to get that to happen ( I also tried to post it with the lyrics and not the video also not an acceptable offering to the powers that be).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbsDQL5Ym6Y

Enjoy the day and colour your world the way you want it to be.... use as many colours as u like...

,

Renata

So, dancing was great fun last weekend.... it was amazing to be able to dance and do what you wanted to do... all without a young man attached to your backside. Very freeing, lol. I told W that anytime she wanted to go, if I were available, I would come along. I found the women to be friendly and not aggressive, something which you dont find at a normal club. Although there were a couple of women who showed interest in me they were quite respectful, and didn't get into my space the way that men do. I did find it interesting that the style of dance that most of them were doing was very masculine (boxy and stiff) there were only a few which actually used their hips and shoulders. My friend told me later that I had straight written all over me by the way I was dancing. hehehe... I guess it's good to know that I don't dance gay (whatever that means ).

All that being said, I am making plans to go to a normal club this weekend, with my girlfriend Julie. We always have such amazing times together... absolutely the best! It is such fun, she is like me in so many respects and yet in others we are opposite and really compliment each other. I am tall (about 5'10") and she is almost a foot shorter than I am (she is 4'11"), although with her heels she is much taller. Her hair is long... almost to her butt, and mine is short... it was more contrasting when I was blonde (but I'm done with that for now ). She is the best... always ready to just have a good time, even if it means that Ren is going to be a total goof and make a scene. I love that she allows me to be exactly who I am and doesn't stiffle me. An absolute gem of a friend, I am a lucky girl indeed. So if I am lucky and it works out I will be dancing up a storm again this coming weekend... it looks like I wont have another opportunity until I get to Chicago. sigh (A,G and A had better be ready to boogie! )

So, have some fun... do something u love, something that feeds your soul and doesn't diminish you from being you......

Hugz ,

Ren

Dancing Queen

Friday night with local friends playing a dice game and drinking (well... they drank and I laughed ). Saturday going to see my surrogate hubby #2's new babies. (Jed and Trish had twins a couple days ago~ couldn't be happier for them all). Saturday afternoon a high school girlfriend came down from Massachusetts to spend some time with me and to go out dancing Saturday night. We had a nice time sitting in the sun out near the pool... drinking Sangria and laughing. I love how much better a day is when you spend it with someone who 'gets you'. Time with Jules is always fun. We could sit and talk for hours, we laugh and giggle, talk about the serious and the sexual. One of the few friends which I feel I could say anything to and she wouldn't feel any different about me... not someone who would even say that to make me feel more comfortable... she simply wouldn't feel differently. (what a blessing!!!)

After dinner we got ready and went to the capital to a new club. Has some very interesting decor and is on the more upscale side. One floor (top) is 80's type music, one is modern pop/techno mix and one is more of a martini lounge style with very high backed couches and interesting lil nooks. The first floor is also open to the outside and there is a nice patio, which was packed with people. The dance floor was desolate when we got there, and I was worried that I had chosen a dud of a place... damn! After a few drinks (which is far more than I would typically drink) I didn't care anymore and went with Jules (who by that point wasn't going to take no for an answer) to the dancefloor. Following with tradition: give us a song or two and suddenly there are people dancing! YAY! lol As the night wore on the parade of greasey hotdogs began. (I pick on Julie that she always attracts the greasey type of guys) We were both getting a great deal of attention, some not so bad and others not to our liking. The more attention we were getting I started to notice a big difference in the type of guys we were getting. Jules and her greasey hotdogs, who seemed to be nice, actually spoke to her and although they were grinding up against her were somewhat respectful.... if not protective. (Julie is 4'11 1/2"~ a tiny lil bit of a thing) ME? I got what I eventually ended up calling the Chihuahuas. I am tall for a female (just shy of 5'10") and when I dance I wear heels... so I am over six feet. I seemed to be attracting all the 'little men', that if a fella had a napoleon complex then he was all over me. My lil chicuahuas were not so respectful... one actually putting his face into my breasts (which got him a quick leave me the F alone), others thinking that as long as they were dancing their hands could go anywhere, others yet just so aggressively dancing with me that I nearly toppled onto Jules. It amazes me that people think that this is acceptable as long as they are at a club.... I doubt they act this way when they are at the grocery store or work... On the way home we decided that because she is so short she is seen as being delicate and needing to be taken care of and that because I am tall I not only don't need that but I need an overly aggressive approach.... LMAO. The other thing we have noticed, and this is not new, is that the darker the fella the more likely he will come my way. My skin is the whitest shade of white (and under the blacklights Jules tells me I glow ) thus making me a target yet again. I laughed when I told her that what my lil chihuahuas do is they stand above the dancefloor... peering out and they see me: taller than everyone else, glowing in my whiteness and seeming like I want the lil yappy ankle biters who attack always from behind. Perception is a funny thing... full of stories we tell ourselves and what we have been told by others, often based not on truth but on a feeling we had about a situation 'once upon a time'.
So that having been said... I loved the night. It always feels good to dance. We definitely worked off a ton of calories (by the time we left we were both completely drenched). Lots of laughs, a great buzz and time with one of my best friends... who could ask for more?

Today is another day filled with friendship for me. Jules and I got up and had some nice quiet time talking, sat beside the pool and caught a few rays as my daughter was doing flips into the cool water. She left a lil while ago and I have another GF and her kids coming up to swim and spend time with us this afternoon.... THIS is what summer is about! Taking the time to relax and soak it all in... filling the days (and nights) with people that you care about and that care about you...

Be well, take care and soak it all in (it will be over before we know it).

,

Ren